crucial 2 months

MON WED THUR FRI SAT SUN - DANCE
and dance end approx. 10pm for zaini's rehearsal
and after that i will be so stress that i will eat and eat, kfc, mcdonald, burgerking, all the junk food available. hungry also eat, not hungry also eat, whatever the case, just eat, eat to stop thinking of dance steps/blockings/lines/etc/etc for the moment,
because 24/7 everyday, my mind is all filled with dance,
i just so happen to get some free time (like when i'm travelling from places to places) to pop music into my ears, and i'm so frighten that i'm still thinking of zaini's chreo when i'm listening to SOME OTHER songs,
i went for ballet rehearsal tdy, i'm doing litao's chreo, but all i'm thinking of, is still ZAINI'S CHREO
what's happening.............
i seriously can't stop thinking of zaini's chreo,
be it on bus, walking, ballet, stoning, class, breakfast/lunch/dinner, tv-ing, whatsoever whatsoever.
and my eyebrow seems to be stuck in that awful position like when someone is deep in thoughts about something, but yea, it gets to relax sometimes, but it will still go back to that awful position, making me look so damm freaking (*&^%$#%^&*(&^%$#
a lot ask:"are you ok?"
yes, i'm totally okay, this is normal, i doubt i will die from these anw
and ballet rehearsal, yes, 2 items: THE SEARCH & PARADISE
i remember zaini told the class last thur:
"you guys can't freaking have so many other performance when you aren't anybody here yet."
i totally agree, that's why i tried to get out of 'paradise', i didn't wanna drag my ballet girls down either, but guess it's a tad too late to even suggest this, i will have to stick with it no matter what, for my ballet girls, for li tao, for the concert which just so happen in the same mnth as muse, for myself, to be responsible.
i'm a crybaby lah, i cried on bus tdy, i can cry anywhere now,
my modern dancers one by one getting injured and all, my heart ache for them,
if i have got a wonder wand, i will wish for all of them to be well and alright and everything will be good for them and nobody should be sad and everyone shall anticipate for muse happily
but i know i don't have one, what i can do is so little also,
i don't wanna tell my dancers what i feel, what i'm troubled about and i'm really troubled because i don't even know what i'm troubled about, i see them hurt, i don't wanna cry infront of them because it hurts me also, i don't wanna cry infront of them because of me, myself, mine also, i don't wanna affect their mood, i don't wanna make them worry for me, they have got enough of worries
seriously don't know who to turn to because my girlfs are so busy and i haven't talk to them for so long and they didnt come and ask whether am i alive still and maybe they thought i'm enjoying life and dance which i'm seriously not, rangers are busy, practically everyone is all busy, how can i further trouble anyone...
in the very end i will just come home and cry and cry
how i wish metiga is here at this instance
well, guess if anyone see me on the street anytime this 2 mnths, i will look so lost
i'm thinking so much so that i don't even know what to think bout
i'm gg nuts lah, everyone is gg nuts also
shall we survive together?
yes, we shall

eileen - take care of your ankle
yvonne - remember to eat 3 meals a day please
wing - take care of your knee
wiing - take care of your toes and everything
eunice - take care of your back
angie - keep healthy!
lynn - i love you girl, BIG HUG